Mother’s Concern
A few years ago, I came across The Sporkful podcast episode, ‘Crying in H Mart.’
‘The indie musician Michelle Zauner always had a complicated relationship with her mother, Chongmi. Michelle was born in Seoul and raised in Oregon, where she never felt like she was truly Korean or truly American. While it was sometimes hard for mother and daughter to understand each other, the thread that kept them together was their shared “Korean appetite,” as Michelle writes in her new memoir, Crying in H Mart. Dan talks with Michelle about losing her mother to cancer before she ever had a chance to learn her mom’s recipes. In the wake of Chongmi’s death, Michelle used food — and frequent trips to H Mart — as a way to rediscover her identity, and to grieve.’
One thing that stuck with me from that episode was a particular Korean phrase that is nearly impossible to translate into a single English word. It is much like the Danish concept of “hygge.” Unless you grew up fighting the unforgiving Nordic winters by sipping a steaming cup of mulled wine in a stone cottage, “cozy” just doesn’t do the original word justice. I think that is the gift of being bicultural - the ability to perceive the world from two different vantage points. Another example of this is what Michelle’s mother said toward the end of her battle against cancer:
괜찮아. 괜찮아.
While the literal translation is simply ‘it’s okay,’ the phrase embodies an emotional nuance that is far more profound and heartbreaking. Her selfless reassurance depicts the undying love of a dying mother whose only remaining concern is the child she will leave behind. To comfort someone else from your own deathbed is beyond moving - it is inspiring. To love someone so completely that your final breath is spent ensuring their peace; to me, that’s a privilege of a lifetime. I feel so small imagining the great depth of Chongmi’s love for her daughter.
*Listening to the audio over and over again, I find myself entirely inadequate to articulate the raw, infinite pain captured in the dying mother’s voice. For that, I do apologize, Chongmi; may you rest in peace.
‘How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.’ - Winnie the Pooh
